well I can't set my house on fire every night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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