i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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