I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
