K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
