Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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