we have officially lost it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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