i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
