He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Soap is not a condiment
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
