omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
