did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
