Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
