You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
