OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
