wakey wakey hands off snakey
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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