You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
