I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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