Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
