Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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