You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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