I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
