i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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