im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
