i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
