What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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