so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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