I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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