no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
