I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone owes me an orgasm
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
