Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
