I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Two words: blizzard sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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