Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
