I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i now understand why vodka
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
