The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and she was petting her beer can
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
