im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
