yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
