ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
