Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
