I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
