Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
