You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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