it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
