Can Purell be used as lube?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
