If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
