so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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