Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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