did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
