I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
