you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
