Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
