My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
